by Sunao Yoshida and drawn by Kiyo Kujō
Eat your veggies kids or this kinda shit happens when your parents force you to!!!
The first teaser trailer for Godzilla doesn’t show us much of the moister but rather the destruction left behind. In comparison from the previous movie this one actually looks like the destruction done by such a massive monster. Still the teaser leaves us with a little sneak peak to Godzilla without revealing much, leaving fans and not fans alike wanting to see more. I am excited for this movie and hope they have a more full length trailer out soon.
A quick run-down should you ever find yourself trapped in a horror movie and would prefer to live to tell the tale.
1. Don’t have sex.
- Abstinence is key.
2. Don’t go out with people you’ve just met that day.
- I don’t care how good he says his weed is
- he is cuckoo bananas
- and he wants you dead.
3. Don’t go to camp. Especially one where someone was murdered.
- There are six words you should YouTube, should you get the chance
- “Kevin Bacon in Friday the 13th”
4. Find a good hiding place and… STAY. THERE.
- If the killer can’t see you or hear you WHY WOULD YOU MOVE?
- Possibly the easiest rule to follow and, ironically enough, the easiest to break.
5. Always wear sensible shoes, ‘cause you never know when you’ll need to run through the woods.
- Someone will always be barefoot
- Or in heels
- Or just plain clumsy
- And will sprain their ankles
- And die.
6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead.
- Don’t walk around looking for people
- House of Wax, anyone?
7. Don’t be a hero.
- Unless you’re name is Harry Fucking Potter, you will die.
- Hell, maybe even then.
- I mean.
8. If you hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate.
- The killer is there.
- Also your dog is dead.
9. Always check the backseat before entering your vehicle.
- The last thing you need is to be killed while trying to merge on the expressway.
10. If your car breaks down in front of a dilapidated gas station, don’t ask a sketchy-looking townie for help.
- Some part of your body will wind up in his pick-up truck
11. Don’t go into the basement.
- They are creepy enough without you dying in one.
12. If you’re trying to buy a house and the real estate agent won’t answer any direct questions about either the history of the home or the previous tenants, DO NOT MOVE IN.
- At some point, someone in the house heard voices and cracked.
13. Turn off the television (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it.
- It is obviously your wisest choice.
- SEE ALSO: poltergeist, daughter trapped in tv because of.
14. If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism.
- Move very very far away
- Because there’s blood on your walls.
15. Don’t act like a detective.
- Some crazy Japanese kid who meows like a cat will attack you in a closet.
- If you live, awesome story to tell your friend, right?
- But if you die, it is like the opposite of awesome.
16. Google the location you’ll be vacationing at.
- If more than five reports for “Missing Persons” pops up, you know not to go there.
- Issue. Solved.
17. Don’t get drunk. Or come under the influence of any mind-altering drug.
- Running away from a killer is that much harder when you’re tipsy and giggling.
18. If you see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your friends playing a trick on you to scare you.
- It is the killer.
- ALSO: laughing while saying, “Tommy, is that you in that stupid mask? Oh, I’m so-o-o-o-o scared!” is not conducive to your surviving.
- Killers are very sensitive about their disguises.
19. Don’t take a shower.
- ONLY APPLIES IF:
- It’s past midnight at the campground you and your sorority sisters are staying at or
- The lock to the door doesn’t work and you hear creepy piano music
AND THE LAST AND MOST IMPORTANT:
20. If the call is coming from inside the house, get out.
- Clearly the killer is not outside, now is he
I love this.
Look, if I ever find myself in what appears to be a horror movie situation, I’m going to don a black tanktop with maximum cleavage, acquire some very badass weapon (a supersoaker full of gasoline and a lighter will do nicely, if I can’t find a chainsaw or something quickly. Machete is also a go. As long as it’s big and ostentatious and preferably loud, explodey, or on fire) and start making horrible one-liner quips before and after everything I do. I will try my level best to drive recklessly in cool looking cars and make shit explode. If I can find a small child who is conveniently mute to carry on my shoulders and protect in a vicious mamabear fashion, all the better.
Because the easiest way to survive a horror movie is to switch genres.
Moniquill has just won the internet, everyone go home.
*SMASHES DOWN YOUR DOOR* I HEARD YOU TALKING SHIT ABOUT MY FAVORITE BIOWARE CHARACTER SO I’M HERE TO sit down with you and chat about your reasons to see if they’re due to an internalized -ism or not and then we can have some cookies and talk about the characters we do both like and cry about how inquisition isn’t out yet and pass the time amicably and become friends
i like how all those dudes are ‘wahh prof. sycamore is SEXUALIZED to SELL TO WOMEN!!’ and its like prof. sycamore aint even sexualized like all he is is an attractive modestly dressed dude like women gamers gotta deal with battle bikinis and watermelon sized titties and these dudes cryin about a fella with nice hair and a cute smile like lmao get on my level
New favorite Twitter account: @Fab_Jesus
chuckhistory At least they left him his dip.
sometimes i wonder what happened when clapping was invented
and for the really talented